


A Frosty Silence

by skittle479



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-20
Updated: 2017-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-25 21:54:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9847436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skittle479/pseuds/skittle479
Summary: This is my version of events on the upcoming episode, Know it All. Barba’s secret is exposed.





	

****

 

**Wednesday 15th February 2017 Hogan Place, Office of Mr. Barba  
**

Rafael had gone to work on what seemed like a normal February morning, blissfully oblivious of the events that were yet to unfold. He had greeted Carmen and she had handed him his coffee, a well-established routine, perfected through years of hard work on Carmen’s part and mutinous grumbling on Rafael’s. Carmen now prided herself on being able to read Rafael’s moods without a word from the infamous attorney; she knew when he was tired, frustrated or just craving coffee.  
  
She rarely hesitated in interrupting Rafael when there was important news to deliver. Except today. Today Carmen hesitated. She regularly watched the news and the day’s headlines but today was the first day she dreaded being the bearer of bad news.  
  
 _“In breaking news, a hacking scandal has brought to light a number of …”_  
  
Carmen had initially zoned out, focusing on arranging her attorney’s diary. Her attention was abruptly brought back to the television, when she heard Barba’s name.  
  
 _“… Manhattan’s very own Assistant District Attorney, Rafael Barba has been identified as being an accomplice to the serial rapist, Santiago Dominguez. We have received evidence which shows that he altered records which allowed Dominguez to remain undetected and free to sexually assault women in the city.”_  
  
Carmen dropped the planner in front of her and scrambled for the morning’s paper. There, in front of her, printed in black and white, were the words incriminating Rafael Barba of a heinous crime.  
  
 _It couldn’t be true!_ Carmen was astounded.

Gripping the paper tightly, she, hesitantly, knocked on Rafael’s door.  
  
“Come in.”  
  
Rafael looked up at his assistant. For some reason she was stood in the doorway in a slightly stunned silence.  
  
“Carmen, is everything alright?” he asked.  
  
She took a deep breath and said, “Mr. Barba, I think you ought to read this.” She placed the newspaper in front of him.  
  
“Carmen, what is this?” Rafael asked, but she had already fled.  
  
He frowned after her, normally she was much more forthcoming and informative. Grumbling slightly, he looked down at the paper laid out before him. _What ridiculous scandal was in the paper now?_ he thought to himself, skimming the article.  
  
 _Wait. Was that his name he just saw?_  
  
Rafael backtracked to the start of the article and began reading in more detail, balking as he read his own name.   
  
_No, no, no! That couldn’t be right! How? How did they find out?_  
  
Rafael’s world was spinning. He read the article 5 times in succession, his heart fluttering at an unnatural pace, faster than its usual caffeine induced canter.

_They are going to fire me. They are going to disbar me for this. Oh God!_

Rafael ran his hands through his hair anxiously. What should he do? He ran through the options in his head.

One. His wife. The one person in the world he trusted, above everyone else. She would have seen the news, she would be worried. In fact, that was her call he was ignoring right now. No, he couldn’t face her, how could he?

Two. Olivia. His work wife, as his wife so often called her. He couldn’t tell Olivia what had happened either, he wouldn’t ask her to lie for him.

Three. Mami. He had done this for her after all. There were text messages from her too. What kind of son would he be if he let her take the fall for his actions?

Rafael was quickly running out of options on his list of confidantes. He couldn’t think, he felt like he was suffocating. He had to leave. Get out. Go somewhere he could think more clearly.

He grabbed his coat and walked out of his office, ignoring Carmen’s confused call. He walked, along the corridor, towards the elevator, not stopping, not listening to the shouts in his direction. He walked straight into the elevator’s opening doors, walked face first into Detective Carisi.

“Barba! Where are you going?”

Rafael took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.  He didn’t want to deal with Carisi and that Staten Island accent right now.

“Look Carisi, not now. I have somewhere to be.”

“Would that be the DA’s office?”

Rafael looked at Sonny, he felt bewildered. _What did he mean by that?_

“Barba, have you seen the news?” Sonny asked, uncertainly.

“Of course I have, Carisi,” Rafael snapped.

“Then where are you going?”

_That was a good question. Where was he going?_

“Got any suggestions?” Rafael asked, hopefully.

* * *

 

**Wednesday 15th February 2017 Apartment of Det. Carisi**

Rafael found himself sitting in Sonny’s apartment with Sonny shoving a plateful of cannoli under his nose.

“So are you going to tell me what happened?” Sonny finally broke the silence between them.

“No.” Rafael hadn’t uttered a word since he had gotten into Sonny’s car. He had been thinking how about how to explain what had happened.

“Well you’re going to have to explain yourself to the DA eventually, so you might as well practice your explanation.”

Rafael scowled at Sonny. But realized that Sonny had a point.

“You investigated Santigo Dominguez, right?”

“Yeah. Liv’s pretty pissed at you.”

“I’ll bet she is.”

“It took us a long time to catch that guy. He raped twelve women in the last four years.” Rafael winced slightly as he listened to Sonny talking. “We might have caught him sooner if he didn’t have a sealed juvenile record with this DNA and prints on file.”

Sonny stared expectantly at Rafael. Waiting for an explanation to come.

“Barba?”

“What?”

“Anytime now.”

“What do you want me to say?”

“Why were you looking at the files for this guy? Why did you change the date of his crime? Did you even see the morning paper? There is evidence that you changed to records. Barba, help me out, why did you do that?”

It was crunch time, time to see if his testimony would hold weight.

“Dominguez used to be a student of my mother’s. She wanted to know what had happened to him. So I did a search and pulled up his file. I don’t know if I changed the date … or how it happened. I must have … it was a mistake.”

“Well that sounded convincing enough.”

“Carisi, would you stop being so cryptic.”

“It’s not me you have to explain yourself to.” Sonny looked at him knowingly.

_Did he know the truth? He couldn’t._

“Are you going to get that?” Sonny nodded his head at Rafael’s vibrating phone. “I’m not sure your wife is going to be too pleased if you continue to blow her off.”

“That’s none of your business.”

Sonny held up his hands in surrender, until his phone started ringing.

“Carisi,” he answered. “Yeah, Lieu … the DA … he’s with me … sure thing, we’re on our way.”

Sonny turned to Rafael and said, “time’s up, counselor.”

“Hey Carisi?”

“After this is all over. Do you mind if I stay here tonight?”

“Are you sure about that?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Sure thing, counselor.”

* * *

 

**Friday 15th February 2017 Apartment of Mr. and Mrs. Barba**

Waking up next to Rafael was normally a blessing, except today. Lingering between slumber and consciousness, you felt your thoughts invading your mildly conscious state. Normally you’d relish these moments, reveling in daydreams and snuggling against Rafael’s warm back, but not today. Shivering, you pulled the covers closer to you gently, not wanting to wake Rafael. It took you a few moments to realize that Rafael wasn’t in bed with you. Rolling over, you felt the cold, empty space beside you.  
  
Relief, that’s what you felt, for a few seconds, before an almost overwhelming sadness crashed through you like a breaking wave. You were fully awake now, wishing you could forget the memories of the last two days.  
  
You heard the newscaster’s words play through your mind, no pause, no stop, no mute. Just an endless loops of heinous words that you wished you could erase from your mind.  
  
“In the news today, Manhattan’s Assistant District Attorney, Rafael Barba has been suspected of aiding and abetting the rapist, Santiago Dominguez.”  
  
You had found it hard to believe that your by-the-book husband could be responsible of the accusations being made about him. It had been partially true, you had to accept it, no matter how shocked you had been. Rafael was responsible for a delay in a rapist being apprehended. He had been accused of tampering. According to Sonny, it had been a mistake. You would have stood by him, if he had let you.

What you didn’t understand, is what Rafael had done after the information had been leaked to the press. He had disappeared. You had found out about the allegations by being accosted by a gaggle of vultures, aka reporters, outside your brownstone. He hadn’t gone far, or for long, but it had been enough for you to go out of your mind with worry. Sonny had allayed your fears for Rafael’s safety by letting you know that he was safe, but offered no information about his whereabouts, until he had brought Rafael home the following day.

Suddenly, there was a loud thud and you heard Rafael swear. You could tell he was trying to keep quiet because he thought you were asleep. The thought of facing him after the encounter you had had last night was unbearable. When he had finally come home, the two of you had ended up in a huge fight. You had been frightened and angry that he had not considered your feelings.

Deciding to avoid any further confrontation, you dressed quietly, hoping to get away to work without making contact with Rafael. You made it to the hallway and reached out for your car keys, knocking over a photo frame in the process. The sound of shattering glass brought Rafael out of the kitchen.

“Cariño?”

You turned and bolted to the front door, wrenching it open, only to be greeted by a thick white blanket which had buried your car in a mountain of snow. Standing in the doorway, you looked around helplessly for an escape route.

Rafael approached you apprehensively.

“Sweetheart, I don’t think you are going to make it to work today.”

“I can see that, thank you very much,” you snapped, avoiding his gaze. You were starting to feel guilty about lashing out at him last night, but your guilt made you feel more irritable.

You took a deep breath, calming your thoughts. Rafael needed you, the least you could do was hear him out.

As you turned around, an icy blast of wind blew past you, and you realized Rafael was standing beside you, barefoot, in only a vest and pyjama bottoms. You could see the goosebumps all over his arms.

“Oh God, sorry, you must be freezing,” you shut the door hurriedly.

“I’m fine,” he muttered, still not quite able to make eye contact with you.

“I should call work and let them know I can’t make it,” you pulled out your cell phone and walked into the living room. “I would really love some coffee, if you don’t mind.”

As you spoke to your colleague, you noticed that Rafael hadn’t moved from from his spot in the hallway, he just hovered nervously. Cutting the phone call short, you hung up and turned your attention to your partner.

“What is it? I promise I won’t bite if you don’t make good coffee,” you tried to make light of the tension between you.

Rafael smiled sadly, “it’s not that. I .. errmm … it’s the power. It’s out.”

“What?”

Rafael flicked the light switch on and off to demonstrate the lack of electricity.

“I see,” you said, shifting uncomfortably in your seat. You were hesitant to start a conversation for fear of what you would hear and Rafael seemed just as uncomfortable, probably because he was afraid you would start shouting again.

“Do you want anything to eat? Cereal or a muffin or something?” Rafael asked.

“Yeah, I’d like that,” you shrugged off your coat. As you made your way to the kitchen, your hand brushed against Rafael’s arm, it was as cool as ice. “Rafael, you’re frozen!”

“It’s fine, really.”

“No it’s not, you’re going to fall ill. Tell you what, why don’t I rustle up some breakfast and I want you to go and get yourself a sweatshirt and we could try out that fireplace you were so keen on when we bought this place?” you suggested.

Rafael looked happier at that suggestion than he had all morning and he raced off do what you had asked. As you pottered around the kitchen, throwing together what you could without the use of electricity, you thought about the events of the last few days. As disappointed as you were that Rafael hadn’t been more forthcoming, you felt increasingly concerned about how Rafael was coping. You made a decision there and then that you wouldn’t press him for details, but be as supportive as possible.

That decision made, you carried the tray with breakfast out to the living room. The sight you were greeted with in the living room almost made you drop said breakfast on the floor. Rafael had not only started a fire, but had created an almost fort out of cushions and a large blanket. The room was scattered with lit candles creating a warm glow around the room.

He took the tray out of your hands and motioned for you to make yourself comfortable. Breakfast was consumed in silence, the awkwardness between the two of you long since dissipated. When the last crumbs were finally cleared, Rafael turned to you.

“I guess it’s time for me to explain myself.”

“Rafi, I want to apologize for the things I said last night, it wasn’t fair of me.”

“You had a point though.”

You shrugged, it would be churlish to disagree.

“I want to explain,” Rafael continued. “I need to explain. I want you to know the truth.”

“Rafael, it’s alright. Olivia told me that you made a mistake with the dates. It’s … you couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault.”

Rafael fidgeted for a while before saying, “Actually, Olivia doesn’t know the whole truth. No one does.” He sighed, “I … what I want to tell you might change the way you look at me, but I don’t want to keep this from you. I want you to know who I am and be with me because of that. I don’t want our future to be built on a lie.”

You frowned, feeling anxious about what he was about to tell you, but you had to know. “Go on.”

“This all began at the high school mami teaches at. She was trying to help one of her students, Santiago, turn his life around. She thought she was doing well but turns out he got caught breaking and entering on his eighteenth birthday. Mami … she just wanted to help him, have a future, get a job! She said he was smart, but having a record would destroy his future, no one would employ him. So I did it, changed one number. It was easy, I just had to press a few buttons on a computer.”

Rafael paused, he looked disgusted at what he had just said, like he couldn’t believe what had happened, what he had done.

“I made it look like he had committed the crime while he was still seventeen, the record was classified juvenile and sealed. All the evidence collected was locked away, inaccessible and useless. Leaving Santiago Dominguez free reign to continue to start a spree of sexual crimes, free of suspicion and wiser on covering his tracks. Four years later, he is a serial rapist and I’m responsible for that.”

You couldn’t bear to see the tears that had welled up in Rafael’s eyes. He wouldn’t let them fall.

“Rafael, you’re not responsible for that man’s actions!” you exclaimed, grabbing his arm and shaking it hard so that he would look at you.

“Aren’t I?” his voice rose an octave.

“You didn’t make him assault those women.”

“But if I hadn’t done what I did, the police would have tracked him down a lot sooner than they did,” he looked away again

“You can’t know that,” you whispered.

Rafael turned back, “are you really that naive?”

“Rafael, I’m not going to lie, there aren’t any excuses for what happened. But you aren’t responsible for that man’s actions. You really don’t know that he would have been caught any sooner.”

“Liv thinks that he would have.”

“Olivia Benson doesn’t know everything.”

“Do you think I should come clean? I mean right now, they believe that I made a mistake. I don’t know what to do.” Rafael looked at your, helplessly.

“Look, you confessing isn’t going to change anything for the victims, right?”

Rafael nodded.

“So what’s the point? The only thing that confessing will result in, is you losing your job.”

“And getting disbarred,” he added.

“No one is going to gain anything from that.”

“But what I did was wrong.”

“And nothing you can do can change that. Rafael, you have the potential to do so much good. You can’t let this undo all the good things you have done since then. Don’t let this determine your legacy.”

“I’ve built my career on a foundation of lies.”

“You had good intentions.”

Rafael laughed bitterly, “the road to Hell is paved with good intentions.”

“All that’s necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

Rafael rolled his eyes.

“Don’t fight me with proverbs, Mr. Barba. I’ll always win!”

“I don’t want to fight with you.”

Again, you felt guilty for your reaction the previous night. “Rafi, I’m so sorry about how I reacted yesterday. You didn’t deserve that.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Pity, you’re stuck with me,” you shuffled into his arms.

Together you watched the fire burning, feeling grateful that no matter how harsh the outside world was, you both had a warm, loving place to home to.


End file.
